Farewell to arms
by MrsCuddles
Summary: "It is as a soldier that you make love and a lover that you make war." Set somewhere after 2x02 (big thanks to lakergirl4life for the support!).


**Just something I wrote a while ago. There's also a quote/tribute from/to Lexie Grey. :)**

**Anyway, enjoy and let me know your thoughts :)**

**\- xo, Mel**

**Farewell to arms.**

_I want what you want. There isn't any me any more. Just what you want. _

_There isn't any me. I'm you. __Don't make up a separate me__._

27 words scribbled down in black ink on the front page of the book. 27 words strategically taken from the pages and put together to send her a message.

A message she was refusing so hard to get.

Paige slammed Hemingway's masterpiece close and gripped it in her hands; her knuckles turning white as anger started filling her body.

She knew sleeping with Mike would have led to this, that's why she had been trying to hold herself back since when he had set his foot back in Graceland. But the tension - the attraction that had always been there from the start and that had increased with his comeback - had pushed her to give into temptation. That first night, she had let her doubts and insecurities fall with her towel and lost herself into him.

It had meant to be a one time thing, but somehow everyday they'd found themselves drawn to each other, spending time in her or his room - whether to simply work, talk or give into temptation over and over again.

Obviously they just _couldn't_ be a simple one night stand. At least, that's what Mike had been trying to tell her when he had chosen to interrupt one of their 'secret' make out session and confronted her about it - asked her where they stood - told her she was never going to be just a _one time thing_ to him.

So, Paige had done what she did best instead: she had ended whatever was going on between them - left his room in the middle of the night, never to look back again at where things had been left off. But he hadn't given up and kept trying, trying and trying.

All the time.

Subtly, but he kept trying. Because he was sure that '_she could fool herself, but she couldn't fool him_'. Because Mike knew her.

And that made her furious.

Paige found him in the living room, on the floor, going through paperwork - probably obsessing over new theories about the Solano cartel.

When she slammed the book down in front of him, he didn't even budge: his blue, electric eyes slowly moved up to meet hers, clearly unfazed by her presence. He had probably expected her to rush down any minute and catfight him.

"Take it back." Paige growled at him.

"What?"

"Take it back, Mike. I don't want _it_."

She didn't want _it_. Why couldn't he understand that she wasn't interested? She simply didn't want his '_affection_'.

Mike pushed aside the paper he had been working on for a hour now and tiredly ran a hand on his face. He sighed.

"Paige-"

"Take. It. Back." She hissed, kicking the offended object with her foot; it hit him in the leg and he stared at her, patiently. His eyes never left hers, as he picked it up and handed it back to her.

"It's a gift and it's your favorite book."

"No - it's a fuckin' time bomb I didn't ask for!"

"Then throw it away - but I'm not taking _it_ back."

Paige felt her blood rushing through her veins like fire. His coolness and the way he seemed to be totally okay with her outburst made her want to smash her fists into his face. But most of all, she wanted to kick herself for not being able to tear her eyes away from the reassuring gaze he was sending her way.

"Fine!"

Snatching the book back, she made a quick run out of the house and used all her anger, her frustration and the power she had left in her body to throw it as far as she could; all that time throwing footballs with Johnny were finally being of use.

Paige breathed through her nose, trying to calm herself down. Her arms dangled at her sides; her fists clenched tight. She could sense him standing there, a few feet behind. Neither one of them talked, as the crashing sound of the waves filled the silence surrounding them.

"You know, you can't run from this." Mike finally broke the spell, his eyes boring into the golden skin of her back, left bare by her bikini top.

"I'm not running away from anything." She hissed.

"I wanna help."

"I don't want your help - you've helped enough!" Paige through her hands up in the air, exasperatedly.

When she turned around in one swift motion, she was bomb rushed by the sight of his eyes flashing with hurt. For a moment, she felt bad for him; but then, anger came back reinvigorating her body and she took a step closer. He didn't get to feel hurt, not for this.

This wasn't her fault. It was his.

"Look, when you went back to DC, you left a void, okay? I thought it was just a phase - that moment of bewilderment following the loss of someone who's been in your life for a long time. Thing is, you hadn't! And for that, it didn't make any sense to me!" Paige yelled at him.

Her eyes shut for a moment, as the air around them filled with thick tension. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath; she needed to calm herself down, before whoever was in the house came out to check on all the commotion. She didn't need other people on this - and she especially didn't need witnesses were she to kill Mike right there on the spot.

"Paige-" Mike took a step forward to grab her by the arm, but soon retrieved his hand and stopped dead in his tracks when she jerked back and her eyes spurted fire at him. He swallowed, thickly.

"But everybody felt that void, so I figured it was because you had become part of the family, you know? Like we lost a child or a brother. Except that for me…" The shaky breath she took startled Mike and scared him at the same time. He feared what she was going to say, because Paige was unpredictable.

"I don't know. A brother doesn't make your heart beat so fast that you almost can't breathe; he doesn't make you doubt everything you've believed in before he happened and his absence sure as hell doesn't make you feel sick to the point of wanting to scream and rip everything a part!"

As she said so, her hand came up to her hair and for a moment Mike feared she'd rip it off - she was mad. _So_ mad. Even though he couldn't actually understand why.

Paige was all sorts of complicated. He had given up on trying to understand her a long time ago and chosen to take her as it went. Even though she could drive him crazy to the point of almost going completely mental, he couldn't just walk away from her. Paige was fire and ice at the same time; she could make him feel warm and cold, happy and angry, safe and confused altogether. Yet, he couldn't help but be fascinated by her.

She was pure adrenaline rush and he was literally hooked on her.

"When Wayne came and everybody seemed to be moving on from you… - I couldn't. I just couldn't bring myself to."

When those last words escaped her lips, Mike's ears perked up: he had been so lost in contemplating her angry figure that he had missed most of the things she had said. But that one thing. That '_I couldn't bring myself to [move on from you__]_' stole his attention once again. He straightened his back, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I had fun with him - so much fun. All day long, his and Johnny's stupid _'adventures'_ would make me forget that if I went up to your room, I wouldn't find you there. But there was always that thing - that constant and heavy feeling of something missing from my life. Especially when night came and there was no light filtering from your door."

Mike's heart skipped a beat: was she saying what he thought she was saying? Maybe Paige had finally got what he had been trying to make her see this whole time: they weren't just a one time thing, they were way more than just that and it was stupid to keep ignoring what - he was sure - they both felt.

"So no, I don't want your help, because _you_ did this! You made me like this! I was fine, before you came around - I was whole! Now I'm a freaking mess!"

…or maybe she was still lost in her clownishness. How was it possible for someone to be so smart and so stupid at the same time?

"You just - gosh. I was a party animal, literally - and so much fun! But since you've come here, my heart's been practically living in my vagina!"

"Oh no, you've not just said that."

Paige's eyes widened when Mike's laugh filled her ears. He was laughing at her. She was about to bite his head off and he was laughing at her. _At her_.

She turned around, waving her hands up as the familiar tingling in her knuckles reminded her of the increasing need to punch him still alive in her body.

"See?! You just - damn, it's so irritating!"

"No, you're frustrating!" Mike exclaimed - his fit of chuckles completely gone and his face dead serious. Paige's head whipped back around.

"Me?!"

"YES! I'm usually the one overthinking things, but seriously… you have some big issues, woman!"

Now she was really going to lose it. How dared he? He was the one pushing things - not her. He was the one trying to concretize a meaningless bonk!

Because that's what she had been repeating herself for days now: he had been nothing but a meaningless and irrelevant fuck. Soon enough, she would find someone else and he'd finally be long forgotten, this time.

"Okay, Dr Phil, you know what? _You'_re my issue! _You_ left to go get your dream job and came back months later, expecting everything to be the same when it just isn't!"

"You told me to go! You _forced_ me to go!"

It was true: he clearly remembered that afternoon when she had talked him into going back to DC. She had literally _begged_ him to - using his wrinkled drawing as a diversion. But he had felt it.

"Because that was what you wanted!"

Mike had felt that shock of electricity running through his body when she had laid her hand on his shoulder and encouraged him to follow his dream. Looking back now, he had been so stupid.

"Bullshit! That's what _you_ wanted-"

He had chosen to push aside what he truly wanted to follow a dream he hadn't even been sure was his anymore. Just to make her happy.

Now he knew that it had all been a mistake: hadn't he been so naive, they wouldn't be in this situation right now.

He would have never left Graceland.

He would have never left her.

"Oh, fuck off, you cocky bastard."

Paige turned her back to him once again, staring angrily at the ocean. However her shoulders were less stiff; her walls were about to crumble - she was about to give in and Mike felt confident enough to close the space between them, determined to make her see the truth laying right in front of her once and for all: he stood behind her - so close he could smell the soft scent of her hair. The one he had been dreaming of each night since she had decided to end things.

"You're right." He started off murmuring, but quickly raised his voice to prove his point. "Things weren't the same when I came back, but things _aren't_ the same now either - there's too much water under the bridge. Are you really going to deny us a chance because I went to DC to test waters?"

"You went to DC because it's been your dream since you were a little kid, Mike-"

"You wanted me out of here - you wanted me to go!"

"Oh God."

"You wanted me gone so bad after what happened with Briggs that you-"

"I WANTED YOU!" Paige screamed, whirling around with such force they almost fell off balance, as she collided with his chest.

Mike stood there. His heart was beating so fast when their eyes locked intensely. Paige quickly broke their longing, passionate stare and looked away, swallowing.

"I just realized it too late - when you were already gone and suddenly all the world was not enough to forget you."

She took a step back: she needed to get away from him. He needed to get away from her. They really needed to stop this and go their separate ways before it was too late.

"When you left, you took a piece of me and I haven't been myself since. You changed me and I hate that I let you do that to me. Because you're going back to DC and if I let myself _fall_-"

Why did she stop? Was she going to say she was in love with him? Mike silently prayed that had been the reason. He wanted so bad for those words to roll off her tongue, because he was this close to fall onto his knees for her - maybe she was skeptical and doubtful, it was in her nature after all, but he had no doubts: he was _in love_ with Paige. Hell, he had been in love with her for… _ever_.

"If I let myself fall even deeper into this, I'm afraid I won't be able to glue myself back together when you'll be gone again. So go."

She needed Mike to leave her alone once and for all. He needed to stop haunting her - to go back in the box of her past and leave her present forever.

"Be happy, get your promotions, get your dream job. Just go and-"

Maybe those weren't exactly the words he had wished to hear from her, but they'd do. That was the closest thing to a love confession he would ever get from Paige - he knew it. She wasn't that forthcoming, nor was she the kind of girl who would affectionately share her feelings with somebody - especially with a _boy_ like him.

Mike kicked his head to the side, examining her features to watch her next reaction. As expected, her head shot back up and her eyes grew in size.

"I'm not going to DC."

"What?"

"I am _not_ going back to DC." He straightened his back and stood in her face. So incredibly close that Paige could feel his hot breath blowing on the tender flesh of her lips.

"Mike - no. That's your future. Call Jessica, tell the deputy there was a mistak-"

"This might come out as surprising, but DC is not what I want in my future."

His hands tentatively rested on her hips. She had yet to say anything, but the fact that she was still there and hadn't pushed him away once again when he had moved closer gave him hope that she had finally stopped fighting it. That she had stopped fighting _them_.

"How long?" Paige asked in a soft murmur, as he brushed his nose against hers.

Mike grinned, a sparkling gleam in his eyes. She was so incredibly smart, he wasn't even sure how it was possible that she hadn't realized it before: he had had his fair share of papers and calls and that had been more than enough. He had never meant to go to DC again. Not now, not probably ever.

He hooked his wrists around her waist and let them rest on the middle of her back, pulling her close to him.

"I knew I wouldn't go back the moment I saw you again."

Paige pulled back to glare at him. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face, staring lovingly at the way her lips charmingly pressed together in a disapproving pout.

"I hate you."

Mike lowered his mouth over hers. This was his moment - _their_ moment. And he wasn't going to waste it.

"I hate you too."

He went for a kiss, but she stubbornly pulled back, forcing a groan out of him. Paige smirked victoriously, patting his chest and leaning back - she didn't break their embrace, but the moment Mike had furiously tried to take advantage of had been broken by her boldness. This woman was going to be the death of him.

"D'you have fun with that, uh? Watching me get all sappy and pathetic and sad…"

It was Mike's turn to sneer smugly at her. He tugged at her wrists and pulled her back against his chest; Paige's arms loosely wrapped around his neck.

"A little." His lips lingered seductively on hers. "You're not pathetic, you're beautiful." He hummed, before firmly pressing his mouth to hers, so not to let her forbid him this moment. Again.

Their lips worked together in such a perfect way, both their hearts started beating fast, almost in unison. His hands came up to cradle her head and she leaned in: she was done fighting and she was done running away. It felt too good to be wrong.

Paige was pretty sure they could stand there kissing forever and she wouldn't mind one bit: she had always thought Mike would be a sugar kiss kind of guy, judging by his gentleman-like attitude she had witnessed when he had been dating Abby, but right now she was damning herself for ever thinking he'd be _that_ boring.

The way his tongue brushed passionately against hers and his hands worked their magic all over her body was everything but boring. The touch of his fingers following the path of her spine on her bare back sent tingling shivers throughout her body, taking up a notch the inner, burning desire of him; his other hand brushed softly through her hair, pressing her closer to him, and she couldn't stop herself from moaning on his lips. A sound that had Mike regret kissing her out there: she couldn't possibly think she could make those noises and expect him to behave; he was this close to take her right there. She was probably trying to punish him: she had to know what kind of effect she could have on a man, right?

Paige slid her hands over his shoulders, brushing her thumbs on the raw skin of his neck, as Mike kissed her tenderly to finally release her mouth.

When they pulled away, his face hovered an inch from hers and the tip of his nose playfully nuzzled her flushed cheeks.

"By the way, if you stopped reading such depressing novels, maybe your emotional life would be a hell of a lot easier and we wouldn't have to go through all this every time."

In the safety of his embrace, pressed up against his chest, Paige threw her head back in a genuine laugh. Mike watched amazed how the world around them turned grey and she shone once again among everything else.

There was no doubt in his heart that the fire of his love for her would burn forever. She gave him a quick but open mouthed peck - too chaste for his liking - before she teasingly pulled his lower lip with her teeth.

"Now, where would be the fun in that?"


End file.
